Recurring Nightmares
by MajorArcana2
Summary: Clary has a rough life. Starting when she was nine years old, she is kidnapped for two weeks out of the year. To this day, Clary has no idea what happens during these annual "church trips," as her mother is told. She doesn't even have any suspicions. That is, until Clary starts to develop mysterious talents she has no reason to have. And the only one getting her through it is Jace.
1. Sure It Is

**Two Years Ago**

The Stripper.

My worst enemy.

I glared disapprovingly at the waterslide as I followed behind Isabelle Lightwood and Simon Lewis, my two best friends. It was the only attraction in New York's prestigious waterpark, creatively entitled "Got Water?" that I hadn't tackled. As many times as I had tried, I couldn't conquer the endless twists, tosses, drops, and twirls that sent so many off the ride cheering with glee.

But I hated it.

Not because the ride was named after something outrageously inappropriate and infuriating. Not because so many had tried to force me on the ride. Not because of the 60 foot drop that punctuated the slide.

But because it was pitch dark.

The dark made me uncomfortable. Ever since I was able to register feelings, it gave me so much emptiness and misery. Plus, it was pure twilight when I – at the age of nine - was snatched away from my mother and kept for two weeks.

And no one knew. I had absolutely no recollection of what was done to me during that time. Sometimes I wondered if they'd found a way to keep me unconscious for the whole two weeks. But as soon as I had been returned home, my mother had told me that my Sunday School teacher had told her all about my trip.

"What trip?" I'd asked through the curtain of tears as I tightly wrapped myself around my mother's waist.

"The one you went on with the church? To Florida?" My mother had been told that I'd been taken on the church's annual surprise trip. Even though I knew that wasn't, when I'd risked a tear-obstructed glance at the person who I assumed was my captor - a skinny but built boy with dark eyes and snowy blond hair who never seemed to get older – named Mr. Verlac, one look at his stance, his glare, his fake smile told me that I knew I couldn't speak a word.

So I didn't. I sacrificed dignity and bravery for the probability that my mother would be safe. And the short kidnappings continued, every year on the exact same date, for the same two weeks. Even when we switched churches, then when we stopped going to church all together, my mom thought I had formed a "tight connection" with the group and wanted to continue participating.

That's how my life became a recurring nightmare.

"Clary!" Simon shouted, snapping his fingers in his face, making me aware to the fact that this wasn't the first time he'd tried for my attention. "Hello? Anyone in there?"

"Sorry!" I said, quickly fetching the happy façade I'd spent months building. "What'd you say?"

"I said come on!" And then Simon perked a mischievous grin and pointed suggestively at the Stripper.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head and crossing my arms over my chest. I was used to standing my ground on this one.

"Today's the day!" Isabelle fought in a singsong voice. Then, realizing I wasn't about to budge, she added. "What are you even afraid of?"

This struck me. "I don't want to answer that."

"If you don't," Izzy said, an exact copy of Simon's sly smile spreading across her lips. "I'll tell Jace that you're in love with him."

I blushed fiercely. Then I mentally slapped myself. Then I actually slapped myself. "I don't love Jace," I snapped, my eyes narrowing.

"Your face says otherwise," Izzy announced promptly.

"I find him mildly attractive."

" _Mildly?_ " Simon snorted. I glared at him and he lowered his eyes.

"Look, Izzy, you told me when I first admitted that to you that you feel the same way about Simon, so…" I held my hands up. It was no secret that Izzy wanted Simon to think of her as more – and he did – but even so, Izzy shot me a silencing look and Simon nearly fell.

"Whatever," Izzy said, trying to brush off her embarrassment. "The ride is two minutes long. You'll be fine." Then Izzy took my wrist in a death grip and dragged me toward the ride.

I didn't resist, because she was right. I could handle two minutes. For six years, I'd been able to stay at least relatively sane during and after two weeks of torture. Two minutes would be nothing. That was thirteen less days, 336 less hours, 20,156 less minutes. Absolutely nothing.

"This is ridiculous," I grumbled to myself as Izzy, Simon, and I settled into a place at the end of the line.

"What's that?" Izzy asked sarcastically.

"I said this is ridiculous! Why did I let you talk me into this? I don't owe you anything! Even the name is sardonic," I screeched, drawing the attention of a few confused thrill-seekers surrounding us.

"You do owe me. You blurted," Izzy whisper shouted, but the anger in her eyes was mostly playful. "And the name is stinking funny. It's not referring to a pretty girl – or boy - who takes off her clothes for money. It's like stripping someone's façade. When you go on this thing, you get tested. It reveals someone's true personality, judging by how loud they scream." She smiled a devilish smile.

I wasn't feeling Izzy's tactic. She was trying to calm me down using twisted humor. I preferred Simon's tactic.

"Listen, Clary. If you panic, just close your eyes," he soothed.

"What's the point? It'll be just as dark," I pointed out.

"Ahh, yes. But this way, you'll be controlling the dark."

 _Genius._ Absolutely perfect. This will work, Simon, this will indeed work. "That's brilliant, Si. Thank you," I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed a light kiss on his cheeks. Then I waited patiently for my own personal nightmare.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

"Could you please step up on the scale, please?" The chipper lifeguard asked as Izzy, Simon and I prepared to load ourselves into the torture train. As we were collectively weighed, I observed the situation. The tubes resembled a plus sign, with a spot in the middle for the riders' legs, and four branches where we were supposed to sit. There were two handles on either side of the branch. I vaguely wondered if they'd be steady enough to keep me from flailing off the ride into universal oblivion.

"Thanks, you guys, you're good." My legs shook as I stepped off the scale. The inside of the tube was so dark, I considered jumping off the tower to avoid the slide of doom.

Izzy's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. At first I thought she was trying to comfort me, and then I continued my observation.

The first lifeguard was Izzy's brother, Alec. Raven hair like his sister, but blue eyes that contrasted her dark ones. I didn't know him extremely well, so I felt nothing at seeing him. The other lifeguard was – you guessed it – your favorite more-than-mildly attractive golden god.

Immediately, I stiffened. My heart stilled momentarily and my breathing hitched. It was the usual reaction. For me, at least. Most girls just swooned, burst into tears, or fainted. Mine was a lot subtler. It could go on for seconds to hours after contact. Today, the reaction was short. It halted as soon as I saw Jace flash a wink at a girl with pink hair and big boobs and was reminded that Jace was an obnoxious player.

I rolled my eyes and yanked my wrist from Izzy's grip. I crossed my arms over my chest and decided to look down at my feet. Then Alec beckoned us forward, Izzy placing a kiss on his cheek as she went, and we all sat in place. The only empty seat was between Simon and me.

I took a deep breath, but it shook as I released it. I was not ready for this. I would regret it. I was not going to be okay. Alec passed the tube down to Jace who began a flirty conversation with Isabelle. I glanced up momentarily, but the anxiety twirled in my stomach. I let out a nervous groan, which drew Jace's attention to me.

"Scared, Fray?" he teased, smiling. I looked at him for a moment, but once again, the nervous nausea hit me and I was forced to look down. "It's not that bad," Jace said quietly, so only I could hear it. His tone was no longer playful. "You'll be fine, I promise."

I managed to give a subtle nod, but it didn't do anything to settle me. In fact, I was slightly unsettled that Jace knew my first name, much less my last.

The line was building up and the light was green. It was time. I closed my eyes. _Controlled darkness,_ I repeated it in my head like a mantra. Then I nearly puked when the tube bounced around and I thought the ride had begun.

Only it hadn't.

I opened my eyes to find that Jace had stripped off his shirt – causing a completely separate jumble in my stomach – and hopped in the empty spot in the tube. "Hey, guys, I'm Jace," he announced grinning as if we didn't know.

Expertly, Izzy pulled a piece of paper from – nowhere, it seemed, and flicked it across the tube to Jace. Just as expertly, he managed to catch it. He laughed a little as he read it. Izzy's phone number, I guessed. But when I looked like it, the number looked a lot like mine-

"Jace," Alec's voice came exasperated from behind us. "What are you doing?" Jace responded with a single smirk in his direction and a "Rock on" hand sign. Then Jace pushed away from the while and we went down.

I closed my eyes hurriedly and concentrated on breathing. But then something funny happened. I felt someone take my hand surely but softly and place it in their own as soon as the darkness enveloped us. It was Jace.

This didn't help my breathing, but I was able to calm myself enough to keep from blacking out until the end. Once the light, reached us, Jace released my hand, not wanting it to be seen. But I didn't mind. It was over.

I had made it through alive and still partially sane, but I knew I wouldn't ever do it again. "Jace?" the lifeguard at the bottom asked as we all exited the tube. "Your shift's not over yet."

"Yes, it is, Phil," Jace responded. He winked at the other lifeguard, and then shook off his hair.

"You're going to get fired, you know," The lifeguard – Phil – told him.

"I know."

"And my name's George," Phil said.

"Yeah, sure it is, Phil," Jace responded sarcastically, flashed a smile at the three of us, then stalked off in the direction of the employees office.


	2. Nothing New

**Present Day**

The friendship I'd formed with Jace wasn't a long one. After all, it had only been two years since I'd first met him. I was sixteen; Jace was seventeen. But our friendship was strong.

We'd lasted through Jace's scattered breakdowns over his parents' death. Through changes in both of our lives, and those of the people around us. Heck, our bond had lasted through my annual "church trips," and the chaotic, emotional stress (on my part) leading up to and following them. Even the struggles of freshmen, sophomore, and the beginning of junior year hadn't been able to tear us apart.

Only one thing had been able to even minimally distance Jace from me. When Jace was sixteen, Auro, a popular modeling company, had contacted him. He grew into a teenage-fan-girl sensation in minutes. And I was stuck in high school. Of course, Jace never abandoned me, at least not on purpose.

We saw each other on the weekends, after school, on break. But ever since he left, I seemed to have become some kind of toxic specimen that nobody would touch. Nobody, except Simon.

A lot of times the bullying got to me. It could be harsh and cruel and mean and _so_ not what I needed, but I didn't let anyone see that. They didn't know who my best friend was. And I was content with that.

Just thinking of Jace seemed to conjure him up, at times. This theory was proved when three knocks echoed throughout my whole house. I scrambled down the stairs toward the door and threw it open.

"It's time, Fray," Jace said as soon as the door was opened. One look at his mischievous smile, Izzy behind him, and something that looked a whole lot like a makeup case sent me running. "Grab her!" Jace shouted.

I took the stairs three at a time. Suddenly there was a hand on my ankle, pulling me backwards. Jace expertly maneuvered his body and mine so I was laying on my back, the stairs pressing into my skin, and Jace and my arms pinned at my sides. "It's just a party, it's not the Underworld," Jace sneered.

"Funny," I quipped. "Now let me go."

"I need to hear a promise," Jace sang. My heart was beating fast and I felt a flush creeping into my cheeks. I fiercely accredited that to the fact that I'd just charged up half a flight of stairs at top-notch speed and not to the fact that my nose was inches from Jace's.

"Not gonna happen, Heron-devil," I growled playfully.

Jace's head tipped to the side, sending a shiver down my spine. _Stop,_ I told myself. _I'm not doing this today._ "Heron-devil? That's a new one," he snickered.

Out of nowhere, I twisted my wrists so that I could free them and knocked Jace – hard enough to surprise him but not enough to hurt him – on the head. It had the desired effect. Jace tipped slightly backward and I slithered out from under him. Waves of triumph coursed through me.

And then I realized what I'd done. I stared at my own hands as if they weren't even mine. Where had I learned that? I didn't watch action movies. I was out of shape. Severely so, last time I checked. So how was it possible that I could do something so…so…?

"Clary," Jace said, slowly standing, and I brushed the thought away as I remembered the current situation. "Where'd that come from?"

I spun on my heel and ran again. I heard Jace immediately spring up for the chase, but I was able to hurl myself into my room, throw myself against the door, and lock it behind me.

"Claarryy," Came Jace's arrogant whine from the other side of the door. "You never let me do this!"

"What?" I screeched. "Literally every time you ask me, I either do it because I'm great or because you physically drag me to Izzy and then restrain me! You lie!"

"You told me you wooouuld," he sang again. "And you ooowwwe meee…"

"I told you," I retorted. "when we made that promise that it entailed anything BUT this!"

I heard Jace chuckle a sinister, evil chuckle. And that's when I knew my argument had been crushed. "I bet you're scared," he stated promptly, and then stalked off to cause whatever trouble he was bound to cause next.

At first, I was confused. That was all? 

Then it hit me. Jace had just – in exact words, more or less – given me a dare. He'd said I was too _scared?_ Heck. No.

I threw open the door to find Jace leaning against the wall and smirking. His eyes were lazily closed. "Next time, I'll let Izzy put the makeup on _you_ ," I growled. A muscle jumped in Jace's jaw and if I didn't know him, I wouldn't have noticed it. I would have believed he was entirely unbothered by my threat.

I spun around and plopped down on the lowered toilet seat cover and waited for Izzy to paint my face.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

At least an hour later, Izzy helped me stand on dangerously stringy sandals to see my reflection. The dress was white and covered in slightly random patterns of lace, a skater dress with capped sleeves and a windy skirt that just touched the tips of my knees.

Izzy had pulled my hair into a messy, loose braid that curled around my shoulder and was tied with a longer strand of my own flaming hair. My eyes were dusted a nude color with silver accents and my lips were colored a barely-there pink.

"I have to say," I noted. "If I was anywhere near okay with wearing makeup, I guess it would look like that." It was as close to a compliment as Izzy would ever get.

But she seemed okay with it, since Izzy imitated a fan girl at a boy-band concert and squealed at the top of her lungs. Then Izzy spent a few minutes teaching me how to walk on the barely two-inch heels, then whisked away to sparkle up her own appearance.

After a few minutes of searching, I found Jace lounging on the couch staring at the T.V. He looked up when I wobbled over and chuckled grimly. I gave him a deadly glare and kept on wobbling. I felt Jace run his gaze over me, and then he made a face.

I consulted him about it when I finally made it to the couch. "What do you want, Heron-devil?" It seemed I was still I bit grumpy about the situation he'd forced me into.

"You like that one, don't you? 'Heron-devil.' I guess it does have a nice ring to it," he laughed. He was silent for a few moments, then, "You look like an angel."

I scrunched up my face. "W-what?" I choked out. An _angel?_ Pfft. Since when? I hated that my voice shook when I asked him this. It wasn't so much that I was embarrassed, more trying desperately not to implode in a fit of laughter.

"Except…" Jace mumbled under his breath. His eyes roamed as his hand did the same, reaching around the back of my head.

He tucked his fingers between the loops in my hair and continued to undo the knots in the braid until my hair was pooling around my shoulders.

"It seems I'm not the only one trying new things today," I remarked snidely.

Jace grew quietly thoughtful. "It's nothing new, Fray."

I was about to demand an explanation for this weirdo, out-of-the-blue compliment thingy when Izzy interrupted.

"What have you done?" she shrieked at such a harsh octave that I was tempted to cover my ears. "Ugh! I worked so hard!" she whined.

"It was - ," Jace started, but I cut him off.

"I don't like it. It makes me nervous. Like I'm being…tied down. It's not enough for me to have my face covered in a pound of crayon?" I snapped. Yes, I would have been fine, but it did make me feel restrained when my hair was tied back. As far as I knew, I could have spent enough of my life tied up.

Izzy groaned. "That's not good enough. But come on, there's no time to put it back up."

Panic settled in. It wasn't the kind of panic that started to boil inside me when I checked the calendar and knew the days were only ticking away. It was the kind of panic that - for me, at least – meant social interaction. Totally not my forte.

"W-wait! Izzy! You sure you don't want to fix my hair? I mean – Pfft – looks like crap, right?" Izzy saw right through my desperate attempt and rolled her eyes as she spun on her heel to start walking.

Jace also saw through my cover, but he decided to be a bit more generous. "Oh, don't stress, Fray. I'd say you look…mildly attractive?" His word choice sent shock waves of humiliation through me as I realized that's exactly what I'd said about him only two years before. But if Jace had known, he would have made a bigger deal of it…right? I had to tell myself it was only irony. Of course, if I didn't, it would have made this party 47 times harder to endure. "When you compare yourself to me, I mean. But if we lower the standard to, say, Rat Face? You definitely skyrocket."

Being in the irritable mood I was already in, I scoffed in a non-playful way and wasn't able to keep the sarcastic edge from my gait as I pushed past him out the front door.

"Oh, come on Clary. I'm sorry. I was just playing with you," Jace promised after shutting the door and catching up with me. It wasn't that hard, seeing as I was wobbling precariously on Isabelle's heels.

Because of this, I was forced to hold up one finger as if to say 'hold on' so I could make it safely to the car before I turned to face him.

"I know. You're fine. Parties make me moody. In addition, I haven't eaten all day, so there's that," I explained away my salty attitude with ease.

Jace took a physical step away from me. "No food all day?" he asked warily. I chuckled lightly before sliding into the backseat and waiting for Jace to slide in next to me. I didn't. I gazed at him expectantly. "Uh-uh. No way am I sacrificing myself into a confined space with _you_ on our way to something that makes you tense in pointy heels you have gotten a lot better at controlling. I wouldn't do that even if you'd eaten four feasts already today."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't halt a laugh from escaping. He was right about the heels, though. It had taken me two years, but I'd figured out how to be safely mobile on them. Just now, I'd made quite an impressive storm-out from the living room, down _stairs_ , in these monstrous constructions.

"Chill out. There are two other people in the car. I'm going to need a witness if I have to stab Isabelle for talking too much about how she's going to 'find me a nice young boy to dance with,' aren't I?" Jace didn't seem settled by my joking explanation, but he got in anyway, making a point to glue himself to the car door farthest from me.


	3. Desirable

Fifteen minutes later, Izzy pulled up to an apartment near Greenpoint, NY. Lights danced wildly in every which direction, though they all originated from the same two floors of windows. Clary could hear the music from at least two blocks away (which was the only available parking spot they could find.)

"Magnus?" I perked up perceivably and Simon – who had, at some point, arrived at my house and was riding with us – chuckled lightheartedly.

"Of course!" Isabelle nearly yelped. "Who else would I bother spending my precious partying time with?"

"Well, if you had told me we were going to Magnus', you could've made that whole 'Jace nearly crushed me on the stairs trying to get me to allow Izzy to burn my hair into weird shapes' situation a _lot_ easier. I love Magnus," I told them as I pushed my way out of the car.

Being at Magnus' really did help. At least I knew him and as familiar with his house, including the library where I might just find some paper to sketch as I hide from the scary people.

"Love him more than me?" Jace asked pathetically as he locked his elbow with mine. He made a puppy face.

"Of course. Magnus feeds me." To be honest, I probably did love Jace more but I was too hungry to worry about Jace's truck-sized ego.

"Nope! You can't eat anything at Magnus' parties, remember?" Isabelle reminded me as Jace pretended to sulk, though he hadn't disentangled himself from me.

"Relax. I'll just have him order food from Taki's, or something," I countered.

"Ha! Good luck with that. Sometimes Magnus doesn't even show up to his own parties. Even if he did, how do you expect to find him? There'll be at least two hundred people in there," Simon added.

This fact made my stomach tumble, but I artfully ignored it and kept going. "Then I know where his secret stash of chips is." I made that up. "Besides, why are you guys so hell-bent on not letting me eat? I need food to survive."

No one really answered. No one needed to. We had arrived. Isabelle could barely contain herself before lunging for the door. Simon was right behind her. I required Jace's assistance to hobble up the stairs.

"So you really prefer Magnus' company over me, huh?" Jace only half-joked. "Guess I'll have to change that."

 **0.o.O.o.0**

It'd been an hour since we showed up at the party. I had spent the entire hour desperately trying to find Magnus to give me food, with no luck. Multiple times, I was tempted to take just _one_ of Magnus' provided snacks. But I refrained. I guess fainting from hunger was more appealing to me than waking up for school tomorrow with what could only be described as a hangover.

Finally, I made my way to Magnus' library to draw. A calming mechanism of mine. Knowing my own self, I'd probably spend the rest of the night there.

But as I grew close to the door, I heard something. The sound of what I think was a couple passionately making out were creeping out through the door. Ugh. Fantastic. But I needed to draw.

So I slowly and silently pushed open the door and tried to creep toward the desk. It was dark (not dark enough to induce a panic attack, thank God) but I could find it easily.

And that's when you know your anti-social habits are getting to be too much.

I fumbled around for the door that held paper and pens, and then was horrified to find the couple was _on_ the desk. Or at least, one was sitting on the desk with the legs locked around the other, who was standing just in front of the desk.

I was even more horrified when the door creaked open a hair more, and the intruding light allowed me to identify the couple.

The first was easily recognizable by the sheer amount of glitter just – everywhere. Magnus. Okay. Magnus was fine. Magnus was normal.

But the black-haired, blue-eyed, seemingly grumpy teenage Lightwood he was kissing _was not._

I was so utterly shocked that I fell backwards and a choking noise escaped the depths of my throat. Alec noticed me first, seeing as he was the one sitting on the desk and facing me. Just one eye fluttered open. He stopped returning Magnus' kiss but left his arms tangled around his neck and didn't make any move to push him away. At least, for a few, stretched out seconds.

I used those seconds to stand so I could obtain a better position for my 'WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING' lecture. Then Alec's body snapped into action, literally, I heard a few bones make noises they shouldn't be making, and he shoved Magnus away.

Magnus looked hurt for a second until he surveyed the room. Then his cheeks flushed, but only momentarily. Magnus? Magnus was embarrassed? Impossible! Magnus had abundant confidence. He _radiated_ confidence. He had more confidence than Jace- actually, no. No, that's not true.

But I didn't have time to process or try to understand because suddenly I was slammed against the wall, though not enough to hurt me, and held several inches above the ground.

Screw Alec the tree.

"NO!" he whisper-shouted.

"Wha- Alec? What do you mean 'no?'" I demanded. I wasn't struggling to get out of his grasp because Alec was much bigger, stronger, and faster than me. I was also maybe a tiny bit worried I'd do something similar or worse than what I did on the stairs.

"No, you cannot tell anyone!" He was frantic. He was panicking. He was –

Straight.

Or at least, that's what Jace and Izzy and everyone else thought. My shoulders slumped and my defenses fell. The poor boy was more terrified then I'd ever seen him in his life.

"You know Jace would never feel differently about you, right? Nobody would. We all love you, Alec. We just want you to be happy," I told him in a soft voice.

Alec's cold grip softened. His gaze was calculating, as if he was trying to see if I was telling the truth. "I'll tell them myself," he promised. "Just give me time."

It was like a switch flipped on in my brain and I was in mother-mode. I wiggled my index finger at Alec. "You better do it soon, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, or I'll do it myself! And you," my attention shifted to Magnus though I was still pinned to the wall. If someone walked in at this moment, it would be very bad. "If you break this boy's heart, I will be forced to commit severe damage to multiple – if not all - regions of your body. Do you understand me?"

"Why me?" Magnus shrieked. "Why not him?"

I gave him a look that said _you really think this one would break your heart?_ But all I said was, "He's cuter than you." I turned back to Alec, whose eyes were wide in shock. "Do _you_ understand me?"

Alec answered with a sharp nod. Excellent. They were scared of me. Desired reaction. After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, Alec seemed to notice what he was doing and released me, stepping about a mile away afterwards. I smoothed the dress down over my hips and made for the door. When I had my hand over the doorknob, I felt a firm hand wrap around my wrist, turning me back towards him.

It was Magnus. "What you said to Alec," it was quiet enough for Alec not to hear. "That was really sweet. He deserves that."

"I know," I told him. Then, louder, I added, "Continue."

The two of them were back in each other's arms before the door had a chance to shut behind me.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

"Hey, Redberry," Jace chirped as soon as I was out of the library. I could vaguely hear Magnus and Alec in the background. Oh, God. My pulse jumped. Must distract the Blondie!

" _Redberry_?!" I demanded, astonished. "What the heck?"

"Well, you chose a less-than-flattering nickname for me, so I chose one for you. I couldn't choose between Redhead and Strawberry. Though it's a little long, I might have to shorten it to Red. What do you think?" he asked.

"I think if you shorten it to Red, I'll have to shorten yours to Devil," I told him through gritted teeth. "Did you get me food?"

"I did," he answered as he laughed. He held out a bag of food from Taki's. "Went there myself."

"You went to Taki's?" I asked while taking the bag greedily from his hands. "All for me?"

"And me," Jace chuckled and took the bag back from me. My stomach cried.

Jace held out a hand for me to take, but then froze. "Are there…people in there?"

"Ahh, yes," I said, but my body tensed in the doorway.

"Then why were you in there?" He asked.

 _Crap. Monumental crap._ "Uhh, I wasn't in there."

"Yes, you were," A mischievous grin lit up his face. "Getting a little down and dirty, are we, Red?"

Quick! Topic change! "Red is so basic, don't you think? I like strawberry better, don't you? Or maybe Robin? Or Rosie?" I babbled.

"What are you trying to hide from me, Rosie?" Well, at least he was listening. Jace tried to go for the doorknob, and I body blocked him.

"No!" I shouted. I'd realized it was loud, but maybe it would at least alert Magnus and Alec. "You can't go in there!"

His eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"

"Because it's private!"

Jace's eyes shifted above me, as if he could see through the door. "Sounds…familiar…somehow," he mumbled.

"That's impossible!" I screeched. "You can't recognize someone by their kissing noises."

"So there was hot business in there?" His playful gaze flicked back down to me. "And they're still going? Without you?" He just thought that was the funniest joke. Jace knew better than anyone how inexperienced I was. I'd never even been kissed.

"Seriously?"

"No, of course not."

I cringed. "Thanks for the confidence."

"No, Rosie, it's good. You're pure. Untouchable. Desirable."

I almost choked. "Desirable? What is up with you today? First angel, now desirable?"

Jace fell silent. His eyes grazed over each part of my body. A true smile fell lightly at the corners of his lips and his gaze came back up to rest on my eyes. He didn't look joking or teasing or fake. He simply looked happy.

Uh-uh. Too weird. Jace has been too. Weird. "Gimme that food and let's go."


	4. Holy Ship

I took the bag from Jace's hands and took off in the direction of the stairs. I was leading the Jace in the direction of the roof. It was beautiful up there, the air was clear. There was also the added benefit of it being far, far away from Malec.

Until he wasn't following me anymore.

I whirled around in 2.4 seconds, nearly dropping the food, and was able to push through the crowd easily in my desperation. As promised, Jace was standing just outside the door, his hand on the knob. I set the food down on the ground and prepared to leap.

Jace flicked his head to the side and caught sight of me. Alarm slowly crept into his face. And then the world shot into fast forward. Jace's hand landed on the doorknob and he went to twist it, but by then I had already shot forward and landed in between Jace and the door.

Unfortunately, this was a very tight space.

Jace's nose was less than an inch from mine. I was breathing heavy and he was too. My back was pressed up against the door and it seemed like Jace was getting somehow impossibly closer….?

His hand was still on the doorknob. I don't know why, but somehow I just needed to protect Alec. If somebody disrupted what he had with Magnus now, it would never stay that way. Alec would go into hiding and he'd never let himself be happy with the person he truly wanted.

I flung my head forward and my lips collided with Jace's. The shock was enough to send him stumbling at least a few feet away from the door. At first, the thrill of victory and success coursed through me. But then I realized exactly what I was doing.

I was about to pull away when I noticed something. Jace was kissing me _back._ His lips were soft but desperate, like he needed this. It was mesmerizing. I'd never be able to snap out of this if –

It was Jace's hands snaking around my waist that was finally enough to yank me out of the dreamlike state. I pulled away and forced a laugh.

"Ha-ha! Guess I just had to see what the fuss was about! Totally underrated!" I choked out the words, but they didn't seem forced.

But Jace's eyes were hazy. He wasn't hearing any of the words I'd said. I couldn't detect exactly what emotions were hidden in his eyes, but there were a lot.

"Jace?" I asked, as if I didn't fully understand the multitude of what I'd just done. But Jace had kissed plenty of girls. Why was I any different?

Jace shook his head aggressively, muttered something that sounded a whole lot like "holy ship" and walked away.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

Jace didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. I didn't even see him. Of course, I left almost immediately. I made my way home and closed the door. My mother wasn't home. I could revel here in my emotions all alone.

It didn't seem like it should be such a big deal. Jace was obviously experienced. All I had done was kiss him –

The revelation came so hard and fast that I sat up straight in bed and gasped loud enough to cover the T.V. show that had been playing.

I'd never been kissed. Never…not until now. I kissed Jace. All because I was trying to protect Alec? That didn't seem right. Shouldn't I kiss someone when I love them? But hadn't it been wonderful? It was great. It was perfect.

It was everything I wanted it to be. Whoops.

But I couldn't tell Jace that. It's not like I wanted to date him. Mildly attractive, remember?

Either way, I probably wouldn't see Jace for another week or so. I know he was always busy with his Modeling Madness. That was fine with me.

I went to sleep happy that night because I'd finally been kissed.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

The next morning was absolutely horrendous. Getting up at five in the morning with a major emotional hangover and still having far too little food for my liking was worse than anything else I could think of.

But somehow, I managed to dress and look appropriate in enough time to eat plenty of food and make it out the door.

At school, things seemed worse than they usually were. People were hectic and silent at the same time. I rolled my eyes and found my way to my locker.

"Hey," Simon said cheerfully as he fell against the locker next to mine, making me jump in shock. "You excited?"

"No," I answered. "Why would I be? It's Monday."

His brows furrowed, but then he seemed to realize something and he started laughing. "Oh, funny."

I looked at him quizzically. "Huh?"

"You're not kidding?" he seemed shocked. "I thought he would've told you."

Just then, a massive noise erupted from the end of the hall. It sounded like the school was suddenly transformed into a concert, or an arena. I turned to find out just what was causing this chaos when –

"No!" I shouted. Your favorite Auro teen model came cascading down the hallway in a white t-shirt, dark jeans, and a leather jacket. Jace was surrounded by a horde of screaming girls (some of which don't even go to my school) who he was trying to politely fend off.

"He really didn't tell you? Jace is coming to our school," Simon explained.

"For how long?" How could he have not told me?

"The rest of the year!"

Okay. Kiss or not, that is definitely something you tell someone who's supposed to be your best friend.

That's when Jace's eyes brushed over mine…and then brushed right off. Like he didn't even know me. Like I was just another face in the crowd.

"Maybe he's like, incognito?" Simon suggested.

"Incognito?" He'd obviously noticed how upset Jace's action had made me. "He's a _model_ , he's obviously not in disguise!"

"Well maybe he's not supposed to know anybody here. After all, you'd get mobbed and most likely murdered if those girls knew you and Jace were close," he did have a point. And Simon was probably right. But I was still mad at him for not telling me about coming here.

I turned around and slammed my locker shut, trying to push through the crowd for my first class of the day.


	5. Plenty Of Boys

As soon as I walk into Geometry with Mr. Starkweather, it's like the temperature drops eight degrees. All conversations hush and turn to look at me. Kaelie makes what I have to assume was a particularly snotty comment that I can't quite catch to one of her minions and my crappy attitude gets worse.

As I walk between the columns of desks to a secluded corner in the back near a window, some kids purposely ignore me; some lean away, and some just start laughing. But when I finally take a seat and the kids stop staring, normal activities resume and I'm left to release a breath.

I took a moment to think over my current situation. Jace is here. And in a day or so, when we've sorted things out and neither of us is mad, that'll make me happier than anything else could. Unless, of course, Jace is sucked into the crowd of popular kids where they think he belongs judging by his looks. Then it'll go back to Jace on weekends, the one who doesn't understand what I go through each day, and maybe I won't even have that.

"Dreaming about Jace?" At first I was surprised. The glaring, butthead of a girl standing in front of me could read my thoughts? But then I knew it was only another of her taunts. It seemed she'd caught up on the school's newest hot gossip.

"Well, I hope you can concentrate on math today, seeing as in Jace's mind, you won't even be a though," Kaelie snaps. To be honest, it's a really terrible insult. I could do way better.

But I refrain from making the colorful jab I'd already started concocting in my mind because Kaelie is most certainly not worth my time. "Kaelie, that makes no sense. But I guess you wouldn't know that because you don't even _have_ thoughts," Okay, I'll admit. I don't have as much self-control as I like to imply.

Kaelie's face got all screwed up and the class made an "oooh" sound. It was then I realized our conversation wasn't exactly private. Kaelie opened her mouth, most likely to curse me out because she couldn't think of anything better to say, but she didn't get a chance to say it.

"Class, if you'll return to your seats," the stressed comment from Mr. Starkweather seemed extremely directed at Kaelie, who was still hovering over my desk. In a split-second, her expression turned dreamy and Kaelie whirled around and took a seat.

Her disappearance gave me a clear view of Jace. He was standing next to Mr. Starkweather, about to be introduced, and was scanning the class. It took only a moment to realize he was searching for me. I knew the expression that was on his face. He was anxious, probably about to have a nervous breakdown, and needed comfort.

And I was prepared to give it to him. No matter how grumpy he was acting or whatever had made me mad, Jace mattered most. I was pretty much the only one who could truly give him what he needed at any given time, so there was no way I'd let him down now.

When Jace's eyes found mine and locked with them, I offered a comforting smile and relaxed a fraction. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet – scratch that. You all already know Jace Herondale, I'm assuming. I only ask one thing of you. Jace is just like you and me -,"

Mr. Starkweather was interrupted when one of Kaelie's "friends" shouted, "Except hotter!" in a voice that was obviously left unconcealed.

Jace flashed a smile at the culprit, who giggled girlishly, as Mr. Starkweather took on a look that read _Seriously?_ "Anyway," he started, shushing the remaining whispers. "I'm sure Mr. Herondale and everyone in this school who's not totally obsessed with him would very much appreciate if you treated him like any other student."

Some people laughed and Kaelie couldn't stop making heart eyes at Jace, but he wasn't paying attention. He started making a beeline for the empty seat next to mine.

"Jacey," Kaelie called, reaching out her hand to stop Jace in his tracks. He looked confused at first, eyeing her warily. I couldn't stop the eye-roll that followed her psychotic nickname. "Sit here."

She then pushed the poor girl in the seat next to her straight onto the floor and gestured to the now empty seat.

Jace, lost for words, made a face and gestured to the back of the room and continued to make his way toward me. I pretended not to notice when he sat directly on my left side.

We still were technically in homeroom for another twenty minutes or so, which meant I was in for cheesy-Jace-discreet-conversation.

"Would you like to tell me what that Barbie Doll was just doing at your desk?" Jace asked once he was seated. I liked the way he referred to Kaelie. I really liked it.

"Not even close," I answered respectively. So Jace slyly changed the topic.

"What'd you think of the speech?" he asked.

I grinned at him subtly. Both of us kept our voices low and our eyes on the front of the classroom, where Kaelie was having a mini meltdown. "I particularly liked the part where he implied not everyone is in love with you. It's so relatable," I answered in a joking tone.

"Please. This again? I thought I fixed that with the food," he joked back.

"I never got to eat that food because of you!" we were breaching a sensitive subject at the time and my cheerful façade started to fall. The smile faded off my lips and I bowed my head.

Jace noticed my sudden change of attitude ant turned his head to look at me, too concerned to care too much about his appearance for the time. Then he looked away again.

"Here's what I know," he told me. "I know you were upset when I didn't directly acknowledge you in the hallway. As for that, I was trying to protect you. I don't think you'd enjoy it if a bunch of screaming girls tried to rip your hair out because you're my best friend. Really it's not fun.

"Also? I was currently being swarmed by a lot of crazy, hormonal teenagers. And I'm not just talking girls, either. There were boys. Plenty. Of. Boys. Seriously. What kind of aliens do you go to school with?" I had to choke out a laugh at this.

"I _also_ know that you are totally obsessed with me. Because you kissed me."

"You freaking _what?!_ " Suddenly Izzy was sitting on the other side of me. Jace jumped backward in shock, but being myself, I gave a tiny shriek and fell out of the chair, onto my butt. Jace tried to hold in a laugh as he helped me up, but Izzy was stricken. All the color had drained from her face.

"You kissed him? I don't believe it! Well, yes I do," Izzy said.

"How did you not know she was sitting there?" Jace asked me, purposely ignoring her.

"Five minutes ago, she _wasn't_ sitting there," I claimed.

"It's not important!" Izzy whisper-shouted. "Why did you kiss him?"

"Yeah, Fray," Jace added, smiling sarcastically. "Why'd you kiss me?" He sat back in his chair arms crossed over his chest. Waiting.

I took turns glaring at him, then Izzy. Jace, then Izzy. Finally, I settled on Jace. "You know why," my words were filled with a little more venom than I'd originally intended. "I told you. And it's the truth."

 **0.o.O.o.0**

Izzy followed me around all day trying to get the supposed 'truth' out of me. I kept telling her that if she wanted the truth, to get it from Jace. But Izzy was of course relentless, and I was getting a headache.

"Heeellloo," For one panicked moment, I assumed the voice was Jace coming to double the torment, or even Kaelie, to quadruple it. I was immensely relieved to see Simon's dorky face. "You look grumpy."

"I am," I snapped. Simon didn't deserve my attitude, but he was here.

"She's in love with Jace and she won't admit it to herself. Or anyone else, for that matter," Izzy so helpfully added. Simon made a flirtatious "ooOOooh" noise.

I stopped walking immediately. I'd been on my way off campus and heading home when these two idiots flanked me. "I most certainly _am not!"_

"See?" Izzy said as if I were a museum exhibit she was showing off. "She's denying it."

I whirled around to face them. "I'm not denying anything because you can't deny the existence of feelings that don't exist!"

"Snippy," Jace's voice came arrogantly from behind me.

I turned my attention to him. "Careful, Jace, we're still on school property. Someone might see with the school freak, which would totally ruin your reputation," I growled.

Jace narrowed his eyes at me in a calculating look; almost similar to the look Alec had given me when I talked to him in Magnus' library.

"Anyone want to tell me why she's snippy?" Jace's question obviously wasn't directed toward me, but his eyes stayed locked on mine.

"Go ahead, Iz," I speak directly to Izzy with my eyes focused in the same fashion toward Jace. "We all know you'll just tell him when I'm not here anyway."

I pushed past Jace, deliberately bumping his shoulder, but Jace didn't seem interested in hearing what Izzy had to say. "Are you jealous, Fray?" Despite what I considered a pretty serious issue, Jace maintained his playful tone.

I only scoffed as an answer. Of course I was. I wasn't jealous of Jace's success in the modeling agency – that particular field wasn't for me – or his fame. I was jealous of the way he could walk the halls free of torment. I was jealous of the way nobody thought Jace was ugly or a freak or a waste of space.

And yes, I was sure Jace had problems of his own. Nobody's life was perfect.

But mostly I was jealous of the fact that he wasn't scared of the dark.


	6. These Are My Confessions

The next day at school, I was leaning against a tree and sketching as I enjoyed a lunch with Izzy and Simon when Jace came sauntering over.

This time, it was Simon who took the first hit. "Woah, woah, woah. Careful. This area is restricted to losers only. If you cross that line, you will officially become _one of us_ ," Simon chimed.

Izzy hit Simon on the back of the head with a melodic _thwack!_ Simon rubbed his head mournfully.

"No, seriously," I said as Jace let his back fall against the same tree I was leaning against. "Why are you here?"

"What are you talking about?" He asked sarcastically. "We're lab partners!"

This was news to me. "We—we are?"

"Well, ever since I told Dr. Aldertree I cannot stand to work with that insufferable beast Kaelie Whitewillow anymore. She kept straying off the topic of biology to bed. I can't really understand how animal feces can turn someone on, but I mean, whatever works for you..."

We all laughed and I gave Jace a warm smile. "You know how much this means to me, right?" Jace smirked and nodded.

"Yeah, I mean, every week when Clary would come home crying it was always 'Kaelie' this or 'Kaelie' that. The girl's a witch," Simon added. I sighed. Here it was.

"Excuse me?" Apparently, Simon never got the memo that I never told Jace about my school troubles. "Every week, Clary?" Jace was boiling. He was furious.

Jace was about to stand at stalk off in a fit of rage when Alec came strutting over. Magnus, at his heels, looked panic stricken. Alec, however, looked straight out of music video and as though he was about to start belting "These Are My Confessions."

"A-alec?" Even Jace, who had moments ago been furious beyond boiling point, was shocked. "What the-"

"Listen up," Alec interrupted. "It's time I tell you all something."  
"Oh, no," I sighed.

"I'm gay," he blurted, like he was afraid the words would burn if they were left in his mouth too long. "Like, _really_ gay."

Magnus plopped his face into his hands.

"And, um, one more thing. The night of that party, Clary walked in on me and Magnus...umm..." Magnus trailed off and Izzy's "omigod" was muffled by her hand over her mouth. "Kissing. And I made her promise not to tell anyone. Even Izzy or Jace. I'm assuming that's why Clary...umm...kissed him. To distract him from umm...interrupting." Alec had lost all his previous glamour and confidence.

Everyone stared at me. "Assumption confirmed...?"

Jace pressed his lips together and nodded. "Seems legit, now if you'll excuse me," and jace continued with the storm-off he'd been previously orchestrating.

"Bad time?" Magnus asked, finally speaking. I noticed his arm was now linked with Alec's. I was such a proud mama bear.

"Slightly," I told him, standing to go after Jace.

"Jace!" I called. When he didn't turn, I was easily frustrated. "Jace Herondale, get back here!"

When Jace finally turned, I resisted the urge to back away. To tell him I didn't want anything, that I was wrong. His eyes weren't empty, as they normally would be when someone got him angry. But because he cared about me, because I'd weaseled my way into his life without asking, he was furious. It was like there was fire, ice, chemicals and storms all contained in his eyes. It sent a shiver through me.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" He demanded. His voice, quite different from his eyes, was only filled with hurt. "I thought that was the kind of thing we would tell each other."

I fought for something—anything—to say. "Simon was exaggerating!" I shouted. "I can handle myself better than that."

"I know!" He snapped. But he wasn't loud, and that was what scared me. "I know you can handle yourself but it doesn't have to be painful. And if you really could handle yourself and handle _her_ then this wouldn't still be happening!"

"She's a robot! She won't back off, okay?" Then I saw something in his eyes. "Not even if you yell at her. That will only make her angrier. She might seriously kill me."

Jace grew silent for a long moment. "But why?"

"You weren't here. It didn't bother me enough to call you in the middle of whatever photoshoot you were posing for or whatever girl you were busy charming. It doesn't even matter that much to me."

Jace closed his eyes and breathed deep. "It mattered enough for you to run crying to Simon. It mattered enough for you to be bruised," At this, I subconsciously tugged down on my sleeves. I couldn't tell if it was to hide a particularly ugly bruise on my elbow (which hadn't even come from Kaelie, it had come from the corner of my desk) or the faint scars on my wrists that Jace noticed but never questioned. They came from the restraints I always tried to struggle against during my kidnapping.

"But it didn't matter enough for you to just mention it to me. You didn't even have to make a big deal. I want to help you, Clary, I want to be there for you," That hit me pretty hard.

"And," he added, spitting the words through gritted teeth before stalking off in the other direction. "I'm not a child. I do my job and I don't sleep with a new girl every week, okay? I though you understood that, but…"

I was left standing there, shivering. Not because I was cold or lonely, because I was scared. I was afraid I was losing Jace because of a stupid slip of words.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

"Clary!" Simon yelled as soon as I'd made my way back to them. Alec was staring sleepily into Magnus' eyes which, for some reason, made me want to puke. "Did I totally ruin Clace?"

Izzy, quite uncharacteristically, gawked at Simon and this time it was Magnus who _thwacked_ Simon on the head.

"What," I began, praying for patience, "On this godly earth is _clace?_ " I obviously knew it was a ship name, but ship names were meant for couples.

"It's a friend ship!" Magnus cried. "We've started making them. Like you and Simon are Climon. And me and you are Clagnus. And you and Izzy are Clizzy. And-,"

"Okay, okay, I get it. But I don't like it. Please don't say that in front of me ever again. It's weird. And for the love of God, do not say that in front of Jace."

"Say what in front of Jace?" Jace suddenly appeared just like he always did, out of thin air.

I jumped because of my seemingly thin nerves and—like always—ended up on the ground. Instead of helping me back up, Jace plopped down next to me.

I tried not to let Jace know I was staring at him, but then Simon opened his mouth. "Am I the only one who thought that was an outrageously fast time to get over a fight?" Then his eyes filled with realization and he ducked before anyone could hit him, but no one tried. In fact, Simon's comment was met with equally confused grunts of agreement.

Jace simply shrugged. That was when I knew he absolutely hadn't gotten over it, he was putting on a mask. He couldn't risk Grumpy Jace being leaked to the media through the lens of a greedy press photographer or Kaelie's upgraded smartphone.

I couldn't look at him that way. I mumbled a few words, something akin to "excuse me," then picked up my things and scurried away.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

 **Jace P.O.V.**

I watched Clary walk away and my heart broke a little bit more. I hadn't really meant to hurt her. I'd meant get through to her. But it had consequences. I wanted to go after her. But something told me she just couldn't have him there at the moment.

"Awkward," Alec finally spoke. I couldn't help but shoot him a playful glare. "Anyone know what that was about?"

"Jace knows," Izzy's voice was cold, investigative, and calculating. "He always knows. That or he's the reason."

"Could be both," Simon suggested. I didn't like the feeling of being interrogated so I stood. I didn't go in Clary's direction though; I went to the library.

But none of the books could interest me. I shot a quick glance at the computers. I knew I shouldn't. Only bad things came up. But I couldn't help myself.

I pulled out a chair at one of the computer desks and typed my own name into the search bar.

The results should've shocked me. But they didn't.

 **Is Jace Herondale a Criminal?**

A group of press caught the famed model for _Aero_ outside a store with shockingly large bags. Is he…

 **Jace Herondale sleeping with Six?**

A new group of teenage girls have stepped up to say they have in fact been sleeping with…

 **Jace Herondale in love?**

Every weekend, the teen world's favorite icon disappears and comes back looking happier than ever…

I sighed, brushing the hair out of my face. The all-too-familiar knot in my stomach tightened another inch. With one swift motion, I closed out the page, signed off the computer, and flicked off the monitor, finally standing to leave just as the fifth period bell chimed shrilly.


	7. Too Weird to be Harmful

"No, you need to understand!"

You might think I'm finding myself in a heated conversation with Jace, but nope, not yet. "When are you going to understand that you just need to back off and learn to be the loser you really are!"

Can you guess it now?

"Just stay away from my-,"

I cut Kaelie off before she could utter that word. "He. Is. Not. Yours." This point had to become clear to this child.

"Aww, jealous?" Kaelie retorted. I was so physically disgusted by her face that I had to turn and walk away before I could puke all over it.

A sharp pain suddenly pierced my wrist and I turned back to find Kaelie's nails drawing blood on my wrist. "Do you understand me?" Her voice was deadly quiet and if I hadn't been absolutely convinced Kaelie was too weird to be harmful, I might have actually been scared.

"Oh, my God. You are psycho," I told her, then pried her fingers loose of my arm and headed in the direction of the bathroom.

I quickly flushed away the blood—it was minimal, nothing to make a fuss over—before I hustled my phone out of my backpack. I clicked on the first number, and the most familiar.

"Clary?" Jace seemed surprised I'd called. It had been a few days since Jace and I fought, and the tension was too much. According to my calendar, I'd be kidnapped in exactly thirteen days. Thirteen days before I disappeared without a trace. Logically, I knew there was a very little chance they would kill me, I always ended up coming back, but there would always be a chance I wouldn't, and I didn't want to spend what could be my last few days with Jace fighting with him.

"Yup. I just had a run-in with demon-child. She's absolutely nuts. Thought you'd want to know."

Jace was quiet for a second, but I could hear the little grin in his voice when he spoke again. "You would be right. What did she do?"

I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I should tell him the whole story, Jace might flip. But I soon realized that hiding the truth from him would bring me right back to where we started with this fight.

"She was trying to tell me-," I hadn't considered how awkward telling him this would be. "That I has to stay away from you because you were supposedly 'hers.'"

I heard Jace gag through the phone, which brought a sharp twang of happiness and a subtle smile to my mouth. "Naturally, I turned to leave, but Kaelie dug her psycho fingernails into my wrist. I got her off and went to get the blood off my arm. But I'm fine," I assured him quickly. "It was nothing."

Jace went silent on the phone, before the call cut off. I gawked at it, almost hurt that he'd hung up on me, before his melodic voice rang out behind me, "Like hell it's nothing."

Before I could speak a word, Jace had my wrist in his hands. His touch was shockingly gentle, when compared to the murderous look in his eyes. He turned my wrist over and over in his hands, inspecting it. The concentration hidden in the furrow of his eyebrows was surprisingly endearing.

"Jace," My voice came out softer than I had intended it to be. I had wanted it to be laughable. "I'm okay."

"No one-," Jace let out a shaky breath. He was deeply unsettled, and it frightened me immensely. "No one hurts you."

I fell silent and Jace wouldn't meet my eyes. I hadn't realized he was so protective of me. And even if he was, there was nothing Jace could do to protect me from my worst nightmares. But I guess it was nice to be protected from everything else.

I twisted my hand so I was gripping Jace's with everything in me. "Thanks," was all I said.

 **So I wrote a short chapter this time around because I'd like to let you know I've just started a new story! It's a crossover between The Mortal Instruments and Red Queen (but you don't have to have read Red Queen, it's just that plot with TMI characters) and I wanted to tell you to go check it out!**


	8. Sounds Like A Lie

My nerves were catching up to me. With only half a week left until the kidnapping, I'd become unusually skittish and ten times as snappy. Izzy, Simon, Magnus, and Alec had—rather intelligently—had distanced themselves from me. But Jace had automatically stuck himself to my side, more so than before. No matter how many times I threw a rather harsh insult at him, he'd quietly take it. I didn't mass the ounce of hurt in his eyes, but somehow, it didn't seem directed toward me, or something I'd said. It was more toward himself. Or so it seemed.

But I didn't have the energy to focus on it. I didn't sleep at night, and waster what little energy I did have either researching to see if anyone else had been through what I was going through or trying and failing to train myself to fight.

I was scared.

"Clare?" It was Simon, gingerly, at my shoulder. I considered giving him a silencing glare, but he hadn't deserved it _yet_ , so I just turned back to my locker. "Umm, are you going to sit with us at lunch today?"

I didn't want to, but at the same time I did. My friends had no idea what was happening to me, so they didn't in one bit deserve the treatment I was giving them. Maybe they could be what I needed. So I took one look at Jace, nodded at Simon, and followed the both of them into the cafeteria.

"Clary!" I didn't have to look to know it was Magnus—but I wouldn't have had time to look anyway. The teenager crashed into me with crushing impact, but I managed to stand on my feet. I relished in his warmth for only a few moments before it started to feel a bit too much like chains, restraining me.

My breathing picked up and Jace seemed to notice immediately. He placed light pressure on Magnus' shoulder, prying him off, freeing me. But I couldn't get enough air into my lungs.

Sensing this, Jace led me to an empty spot at the table. I didn't snap at him. I didn't have the breath. The others tried not to state, but soon, being themselves, launched into a conversation I didn't follow. Jace was an ever-present wait, not ever more than inches away. I held on to him without touching him, caught his whispered words, even when it seemed he wasn't even whispering them.

"So Clary," Izzy piped up. Her smiling face told me she hadn't quite noticed the fact that I was still in a god-awful mood. "You in?"

I let the blankness on my features tell her what I wouldn't say—I hadn't been listening. Alec filled in for her. "Movies next Friday after school?" Jace immediately tensed. But he couldn't know, could he? Jace was smart—there was a chance he'd been able to figure out the pattern of the kidnappings from the two weeks I'd known him.

"I can't," I answered, my voice hoarse, throat dry.

"Why?" Izzy pouted.

"Church trip…" I answered, closing my eyes and praying she would leave it at that.

Izzy did. Simon did _not._ "Church trip? Since when do you go to church?"

"I don't. I just used to. Now I just go with my friends," I repeated the same answer I'd told everyone for the last many years.

"Sounds like a lie," Simon said, grinning, unaware of just what he was implying. "If you want to skip out just to hang out with Jace, just tell us."

I scowled. I wish that was all I was doing. "Fine," Simon said. "I won't bother you about it. Just tell us where you're going in case you get kidnapped."

I flinched, but Jace appeared about to spring from the table, and drag me along with him. "I don't know where I'm going," I ground out through my teeth.

Simon snorted, and looked around at the others, who hadn't failed to notice my increasingly worsening mood. "Well, that sounds awfully sketchy."

Simon started to cackle at his own joke, and the sound suddenly set me off. Before I knew what I was doing, I launched up and out of my seat, pinning the now silenced Simon with a deadly glare. "I don't _know,_ okay? I just don't!" It was a terribly hideous excuse, but I didn't care as I whirled around and out of the room. I had known this was a terrible idea.

I knew Jace was following me before I managed to make it out of the lunch room. "Stop following me!" I shouted over my shoulder while noticing that, surprisingly, tears had begun to choke up my voice. "Leave me alone!"

I whirled around just in time to see Jace striding purposefully towards me. There was something unmistakably sad in his eyes. Jace got this look when he was dreading the thing that came next. I narrowed my eyes, in full preparation to interrogate Jace to the fullest of my being, but the words never came out of my mouth.

Jace pressed me up against the lockers at the same time his lips met mine in a collision of color and sounds and _feelings._ It was like fireworks as the paralysis wore off but the shock didn't and I kissed him back. But Jace's lips were hard in a way that was not passionate, but rather unfeeling. He was cold.

That's when I felt Jace's tongue pressing roughly against my mouth. I didn't think, and soon I parted my lips, but instead of Jace, I felt some kind of…pill?

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

I immediately threw Jace off of me with more strength than I knew I possessed. I doubled over, trying to choke it up, to spit it out, but it was already dissolving. I momentarily panicked until the fury set in. So I stood and waited for the drug to start working. And in that time, I gave Jace—who now looked and if he might be sick—the most brutal stare of absolute hate that I could muster. He flinched and looked away, but by that time, my vision was blurring and I didn't feel it when I hit the ground. I didn't see it when Jace lunged forward to keep my head from cracking.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

When I woke up—what I assumed to be the next morning—my limbs were bound in chains, I had no idea where I was, and Jace was nowhere to be found.


	9. Pass Out Sooner

Waking up was a struggle in itself.

Whatever drug had been slipped into my system in the small amounts of food I'd allowed myself to eat kept me unconscious most hours of the day. I could barely tell how many days had passed, but if my feeding schedule was correct, it had only been four days. _Four._ Another ten days had to pass before I could get myself out of the hellhole.

Where the devil himself was staring at me.

"Eat," Jace demanded.

I could barely look him in his disgusting, traitorous eyes as I said, "Like hell."

"Why not," it wasn't a question.

"I don't want to pass out," I answered easily.

Pieces of his blonde hair fall into his face as he sighed. "You'll pass out fairly quickly if you don't eat," he retorted.

I made sure my voice was still cold, unfeeling, even as my heart refused to believe what had come apparent in these last four days. "I'll pass out sooner if I ingest whatever drug you put in there." I really didn't want to pass out, but a piece of bread and a Styrofoam bowl of room-temperature peas had never looked so appealing in my life.

Jace bared his teeth in an animalistic snarl that made my heart stutter in a way I refused to show. He didn't back away, and I refused to either. "You could make this," he paused, clenching and unclenching his fingers and grinding his teeth, "so much easier."

A cool, lilting voice drifted from the door—the only thing besides stone in her cell—had casually opened without either of them noticing. Jace snapped his eyes toward the voice, but I was the one who recoiled. "And yet here you are, Jack, making it _so_ much harder," Magnus crooned.

I couldn't form words. But Jace could. "You know my name, Magnus."

I ignored him completely and decided it was time to form words. "So," I sneered, drawing the midnight-haired man's attention toward me. "Should I be expecting Simon and the Lightwoods next, or is it just you two hellions?"

The first flicker of hurt winked in Jace's eyes, effectively echoed in Magnus'. "Clary, he's right," Magnus' tone was softer, too. "I can help you. Let me help you."

I tensed, the unspoken suggestion in his words immediately setting me off. Magnus relaxed his posture and continued. "I just want to talk to you," he amended.

I considered briefly. "Get him out," I demanded, jerking my chin at Jace. "Make him leave me alone and I'll listen."

Jace bristled and pushed off from the wall he'd previously been leaning against. He flicked his eyes toward Magnus, who had begun herding blondie back toward the door. "No, I won't. N-,"

"Leave, Jace," Magnus commanded. Jace's eyes burned, and the two of them had a heated, visual conversation that I didn't fail to notice. Then Jace was gone.

The breath of relief that escaped me was not fake. And yet, I somehow found myself wanting him to come back.

"Okay," Magnus flashed a smile. "Here's how it's gonna-,"

"Just so you know," Clary purposefully cut him off, growling the words through gritted teeth. "I'm not so particularly pleased with _you_ , either."

"I understand. Now what I'm about to tell you, you're not going to believe. So I'm going to need you to not talk until I'm finished. Okay?"

I did nothing.

"Perfect. You are here as part of Children of Violence Protection Agency. You can call us C-VPA. Your father is alive and causing chaos in San Diego. We have reason to believe that he is hunting you. Should you choose to agree, we will provide training so you can protect yourself if that becomes reality faster than we can get to you. Before you ask, you're being held in captivity because your father very much knows you are here and we are trying to keep you safe."

If I were being honest, it wasn't the most unbelievable thing I'd heard. And yet… "Like hell," I scoffed.

Magnus narrowed his eyes. "Believe what you want, Clary. Your father is more dangerous than you might ever understand. He has eyes here—eyes everywhere—and we have make it look real. But we've been feeding you and—,"

"Knocking me out in the process," I added.

"We were worried about your body going into physical shock. I know you don't believe me, Clary, I can see it in your eyes. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you." He sighed. "But I don't think you'd really want to know. Not yet."

"If you're so hell-bent on protecting me, why haven't I ever trained in the other ten times you've kidnapped me."

Magnus momentarily shut his eyes at the word 'kidnapping,' but answered, "Because you never want to."

. . .

I trained.

 _Not_ with Jace, Lord bless me, but with a kind, but brutal man named Luke. As it turned out, I knew more than I thought I did. She must have trained here at least once, because I was able to dodge Luke just fine. It was the striking I had trouble with. But by the time I had only one day left to suffer in the prison, I could fight well enough. And Magnus had even got me to crack a slight smile. I was upset with him, yes. Perhaps I'd never trust him again, but…

I still could not make eye contact with Jace. I couldn't any contact.

I refused to think about how much I'd relived that moment just before…how much I'd wanted the kiss to be real. But it wasn't. It never would be. Maybe I'd lost something beautiful, what I'd had with Jace. But maybe it was never even real to begin with.


	10. Two Sets of Instincts

**Jace P.O.V.**

"How is she?" the words slipped out of my mouth before Magnus had barely even shut the door.

"Perhaps you could ask her yourself," the man cooed.

I fell silent and ground my teeth together to stop the wave of pain. I blocked the red-haired girl from my mind before she could weasel her way in with that smile. "Because she doesn't want me there."

I fell into step beside Magnus as the two of us walked through the steel-covered halls of the compound. "Doesn't she, though?" Magnus clicked his tongue.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I genuinely didn't.

"Are you so horrible at reading people? Perhaps I should tell Command and have you kicked out."

I wanted nothing more. Well…maybe one thing more… But I didn't tell him that. Instead I said, "When my parents were killed, Command took me in. I won't have—,"

But Magnus had whirled on him.

"Command did not _take_ you _in_ , Jonathon, he created you. Your parents were killed by his enemy and he raised you so he could use you against Valentine. And if you do nothing," Magnus gritted his teeth and his voice lowered to a whisper. "Then the same thing will happen to her."

I didn't need to ask who he meant.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

I was to take her home. It made sense, since I had practically lived with her and was therefore the obvious choice, but that didn't allow me to find sleep that night. Because that was before. Now she hated him, and perhaps that would never change.

I hadn't meant to kiss her. I'd relied on my instincts my whole life but in that moment, that terrible twist of fate, it was life I suddenly had two, very different sets of instincts. Work-instincts were what kept me operating day after day. But my Clary-instincts had kicked in the second I'd heard her voice, choked with tears, as she threw words at me over her shoulder.

I'd _had_ to kiss her. Right then. Or else there was a very real chance I would have passed straight out and maybe never woken up again. That was the kind of need I was feeling. Like a need to breathe in air—to breathe in Clary.

But those damned work-instincts had taken over, too soon, too fast. So he'd carefully slipped the pill into his own mouth before he took her face in his hands. And then—right then, as my lips met hers, as she responded wonderfully to the touch—was when I began to regret it. And now…now I'd been regretting it ever since. If she hadn't decided to fight with them, I would have found a way to get Clary out of there.

But she'd made her decision. And I would let her have that, the only thing. And God, she was a natural.

I observed, desperate enough to have snuck into a vent a few times to watch her in the early lessons. She spun easily—if not a little haphazardly—away from Luke's blows and efficiently parried them with some of her own. It would take work, but she was learning fast. Unfortunately, I'd had to retreat when Magnus had come into the room to observe and his eyes had immediately flicked to the vent I was in. He'd smirked.

I wanted her not to hate me. I wanted her to love me.

But I learned a long time ago that dreams were not to be had, much less believed, much less followed.

 **0.o.O.o.0**

 **Clary P.O.V.**

I missed mashed potatoes.

I missed cheeseburgers, and twizzlers, and pepperoni pizza. I missed Simon, and my mother, and who I thought Jace had been.

And I missed goddamn mashed potatoes.

Honestly, how hard was it to find some good-quality food to put in that prison cafeteria. Soggy green beans and bread, dry spaghetti and bread, soggy green beans and bread, dry spaghetti and bread. The pattern continues.

But soon, I'd be done.

Today was the day I'd leave.

For show, Magnus had told me, I'd be bound to a chair and gagged while they administered the drug that would wipe out all my memories of this place. This time, I was happy to let it all go, to let the cruelty be washed away. But I would not forget the betrayal Jace had performed just before the poison had entered my system. I was afraid I would never forget.

Some part of me didn't want to. I wanted to remember the training I went through. I wanted to remember the slow rebuilding of trust I'd gained with Magnus—remember the fact that Magnus was fighting for me at all. (I'd refused to acknowledge the fact that if Magnus was fighting for me, then Jace was too. He was not.)

That was why, just moments before I was gagged, I looked Jace—who, obviously, would be the one to bring her home—in the eye and whispered one word. "Please."

I saw that glimmer of hope in his eyes and let him believe I might someday forgive him. For my own purposes, it was worth it. I knew that he understood what I meant. I was confident he would do it, for me. The boy who I'd wanted so badly to love and certainly had not needed to administer the drug two weeks prior the way he did.

And I was right.

But the pain hit me all over again when I woke up the next day and remembered every last shred. Every last detail. Every last heartbreak.


	11. Brain Food

I'd always had trouble getting up in the morning for school, but things just happened to be 13 times worse when you took into account the fact that my long-time best friend was part of a legion of kidnappers/guardians that I wanted no part in, my father was apparently alive and a deadly criminal—after _me_ —and on top of that, it was five am.

But somehow, I managed to drag myself out of bed, into a short, hot shower, and dress myself haphazardly before trudging out the door. It was cold; New York had gotten snow in the two weeks I'd been gone. I lived close enough to not have to ride a bus to school, but I sometimes wished that was different. Today, however, the frigid temperature helped to clear my mind.

Soon, I found myself in my first class, Science, where the only person I knew in it was Magnus. I accredited my silence to exhaustion (which he accredited to the training I'd done the week before and "didn't know about,") and he didn't bother me. I took the pile of makeup work I'd missed with a growl and moved on.

Before long, I was plopped down in my seat at lunch with at least 40 different assignments and worksheets. I hadn't bothered to get anything to eat, as I had planned to spend the period getting caught up as much as I could. Simon soon sat to my left, Izzy, Magnus, and Maia (and her new boyfriend Jordan. _How much had I actually missed?_ ) filling in beside him. The seat to my right was empty, for now.

But then Jace was sitting next to me and plopping down a tray. He took one look at me, submerged in papers, and handed me a bag of pretzels and a banana from his own lunch. I stared him down, to which Jace shrugged and replied "Brain food."

"So, Clare," Simon babbled, oblivious to the fact that I hadn't planned to spend this lunch talking. No one corrected him. "How was your trip? And I don't remember you mentioning Jace was coming. I wouldn't have asked so many questions if I'd known."

"It was f-," I started, then cut myself off. "What do you mean Jace was coming?"

"Well, he missed school last two weeks, like you," Simon responded, confused.

My mind blanked. Jace hadn't ever done that before. Had he? No, he'd always still been coming to school. I cut a glance to Jace, who was staring at the plate of food he hadn't touched. "Right," I said to Simon, but still was looking at Jace. "It was a camp-like thing, I guess I didn't see him much."

 **0.o.O.o.0**

I had stomped away from the cafeteria as soon as it was time to leave. I knew it was just about time to stop having fits every time something unexpected happened, but as it turned out, my life was to be unexpected mess. So how fitting that it might also be one great fit as well. I stopped in front of my next class, government studies, but decided I couldn't handle another pile of papers, not now, so I twisted around and instead headed off toward the exit of the building.

I sensed Jace and Magnus on my heels before either of them spoke, and both of them followed me out the door toward the parking lot. Only when we were deep into the woods on the other side did I turn to face them.

"I want you to tell me the truth," I clenched my hands at my sides and stared at the ground at their feet.

From the corner of my eye, I watched Jace send Magnus a nervous glance before replying, "We have been telling you the-,"

"No, you haven't," I cut him off with a startlingly calm-sounding voice that was not really calm at all. Finally, I looked upwards, catching worried glances and fidgeting. "You've told me the bare minimum. Told me I didn't _want to know_. Well now I do."

Silence. Jace was the one who—surprisingly—looked wary and nervous, but it was Magnus whose gaze hardened, lips pressed together, and stance straightened. I bared my teeth at his blatant show of resistance and secrecy.

"Tell me or I go to Simon and he'll believe me."

Magnus stepped forward, hand outstretched, and I tackled him to the ground. I stood quickly, keeping my foot planted on his throat and my eyes on Jace, whose eyes were wide and his position had instantly switched to a defensive one.

"I knew you people were never on my side," I ground out through my teeth. I lifted my foot, freeing Magnus, who only rubbed at it.

I started to stomp away, back toward the school, but Jace called out, "Clary!"

I whirled, reluctantly. Jace looked both ways, even as he dragged Magnus up off the ground. He was checking for anyone listening, perhaps my father's "eyes" as Magnus had once called them.

"Fine," he finally conceded. "But not here."

. . .

It was probably not a smart idea to follow Magnus and Jace deep into the downtown area unwittingly, but at least I had my minimal training as a backup. I had managed to outsmart Magnus, so I figured he either hadn't expected that much of me or was working a less athletic position at C-VPA. But I knew that for all my life and rage, I'd never be able to fight Jace and come out victorious—or even alive.

Soon we were sitting around a lousy fireplace in a grungy apartment on Jones St.

"What is this place?" I asked, crinkling my nose.

"Blondie's home for the past eleven years," Magnus supplied, his voice scratchy from me stepping on his throat. I suppose I was a little bit sorry. Maybe a little.

My eyes flicked to Jace, who glared at Magnus as if he hadn't wanted him to say that.

I ignored Jace and spoke solely to Magnus—which was harsher than I may have intended it to be. "So he was a Child of Violence as well?" I crooned.

Magnus shook his head and opened his mouth to answer, but Jace cut him off, slouched on a raggedy armchair and staring unfocusedly into the poor fire. "I was," he mumbled, not really paying attention to the conversation going on around him, but enough to participate in it. "Until they both died."

Magnus sighed and crouched on a sofa that groaned under even his fragile weight. I remained standing. "Jace's parents were…a mistake."

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

"We believed them to be high-functioning, very dangerous criminals. But they were on our side, and we didn't figure it out in time. They were killed by-," Magnus stopped, eyeing Jace.

I didn't need him to continue. Valentine. They were killed by Valentine. My father.

"I'm sorry," I said to Jace, and I meant it. He turned, meeting my eye for the first time since before the accident when neither of us were filled with anger.

"I know," was his only answer.

The three of us were silent for a moment, until I finally, carefully, lowered myself onto another-slightly in better condition than the other—armchair.

"Okay," I breathed. "Start from the beginning."

 **I know this was short but I wanted to get it out. Hope you like it! Please review, it makes me so so so so sooooooo happy ;D. Love ya!**


	12. Second Guessing

"Go back to Alicante, New York, and it's late November, maybe even early December. Valentine has—at this point—been killing anyone he deems "unworthy" for years. He's also been tracking your mother for seven months. I tried to warn her, but she already knew and would do nothing to stop it. Something about having to distract Valentine from whatever he was trying to do. To this day, we don't know if your mother ever succeeded. We don't even know what she was trying to stop.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm telling the truth, I promise. He caught her and took her somewhere…horrible. We can't know for sure; in fact, we barely know anything about those early times. This was all before I had even founded C-PVA. We also don't know exactly what he did with her, but…a few months later, there was you.

"Valentine—we later figured out from another warlock who had been closely spying from the cells in Valentine's prison—had been experimenting on you before you'd been born. Injecting some kind of…drug. He'd wanted it to enhance your skills, make you the unstoppable, perfect fighter. Instead, you turned out incredibly powerful, more than you yet know, but didn't have the heart—or lack thereof—to ruthlessly kill.

"So he killed your mother and left you out on the streets at age five months old. He'd been so angry that he'd immediately travelled to the Herondale Manor. Jace's parents had been undercover, without our knowledge, posing as his closest constituents while gathering dirt on Valentine. He murdered them both.

"From then, we've been hunting him. Jace joined our team when he was old enough to. Normally we don't take in apprentices until they're age nineteen, but Jace was a special case. He was training at age five, and was better than most fully grown agents. He was a certified agent by age twelve.

"So you know, he wasn't assigned to you until he met you. It wasn't like he was stalking you or anything. In fact, we didn't set him on the mission for two weeks after you two had met.

"Your father was completely silent for years. We couldn't find him anywhere. We knew he was committing crimes, and usually we'd be able to track him through those, but this time around, he was flawless. 100% under the radar, out of sight.

"Then Auro sent Jace to high school. They'd been taking pictures of him around the campus every once in a while. You were caught in just one, laughing at a pose in the distance. Consequently, that was one of the photos Auro decided to publish.

"Your father saw it, and has been tracking you. We only know because he messed up, just once. Caught his prints on a gun that was used to kill an Auro lawyer because she had the photo in her possession. We've been closer on his trail now than we've ever been before, and that's why things are so hectic with you now. That's why we were training you, and why Jace felt strongly enough about your safety that he had to betray you to protect you."

I felt…so many things. Magnus stayed silent, watching me, Jace watching the fire. I didn't know what to think about first.

Somehow, I managed to stand on legs so shaky I had toppled back down onto the couch the first time I'd tried. But I steeled myself and walked forward, straight toward the door. Magnus was calling my name and I heard footsteps close behind me, but I desperately needed air. I didn't quite feel like I was suffocating just yet, but I felt slightly strangled.

Once outside, I just started walking. I had no sense of direction, time, or temperature. I couldn't sense anything around me until suddenly there was a coat hanging around my shoulders. Only then, when I looked at Jace standing there with his minimal shirt stirring in the violent wind, did I realize it must be cold.

Without really thinking, I shifted the coat so half of it was hanging on his shoulder, half of it on mine. It meant we were very close, but his body was so warm that I didn't truly mind. Jace tensed up for half a second, enough that I wouldn't have felt it if I hadn't been watching him for over three years.

Just as he'd been watching me.

I started walking, dragging Jace along with me through his huge jacket, eyes back on the ground.

"If you want, just start talking. Say everything that's on your mind and I'll just listen and never bring it up again. It'll help," he suggested.

Perhaps it was my lack of awareness, but for some reason, I believed him.

"The first thing that comes to mind is that my father could've killed you."

Jace sucked in a breath and I gave him one sidelong glance through the corner of my eye before facing back towards the path in front of us.

"And I never would've known. Who you were, what you would've been to me. I never would've made it here, I don't think. Because even though you should've told me about the mission, I understand why you did everything you did, and you're still my person. My only person.

"I'm sorry that your parents died before you even got to know them, but I'll forever count it as a miracle that my father couldn't get to you.

"Also, my father…I don't want to call him that. A father is a protector, and a loving caretaker. I don't even know what Valentine looks like. But he raped my mother and I'm so beyond furious that I've reached this sort of icy calm and I can't feel anything. And that scares me.

"Not to mention…everything Magnus told me about the things you've done…

"I don't know why my brain keeps coming back to you. But maybe it's not my brain. Maybe it's my heart.

"Either way, I realized I've been so harsh to you without cause. You knew better than me, and I didn't even give you a chance. It was so horrible of me, and I am so sorry. I know that if our positions had switched I would do the same thing."

In a normal case, I would never talk this much. But there had been some kind of spell cast on me, one I didn't particularly want to remove. Not when Jace whirled on his heel and grabbed by chin, hard but not painful, so I would look him in his beautiful golden eyes.

"No, you wouldn't have. You would have told me and then we would have gone out hunting for Valentine together. And that is exactly what I should have done," he spilled.

"But the C-V-,"

"Screw the agency, they're not getting anything done anyway," with that, Jace started walking forward again, pulling me along like I had done to him.

We were silent for very long. Too long. I still wanted to ask him…

"Jace, there's one thing I still don't understand."

He turned to look at me and pressed his lips together. I had a feeling he knew what I meant. He turned back to the road, as if he couldn't look at me while he talked about it. There was the tension in his muscles, though, that said he would do it again.

"I didn't mean to," he started finally. "I wasn't planning on it, I mean. The two times I've done it before, it was quick and painless. Middle of the night, needle behind the ear. I never had to worry about…

"But this time was different. I followed you out because I felt like there was this string, so taut, between us and I just had to loosen it. I let you, or that tether on my heart, drag me forward until I was calling your name, and you were turning around and my brain just flew out the window.

"I _had_ to. That's all I remember, just thinking that if I didn't kiss you right then I would just…disintegrate. And I would've been fine with that. But then I started thinking again and I just—did it. And then you looked at me and I could tell you hated me so much. All I wanted to do in that moment was take it away because I know that hate ruins people, and I couldn't stand the thought of you being so angry you'd never feel happy again. And I wanted to take away your hate, not so that you would want me back, but because I had enough hate for myself to cover the both of us and probably the entire C-VPA. And I'm probably overreacting. I've probably exaggerated the whole story, but…that's just how it felt."

All I did was take his hand and squeeze it. I went to put it back by my side, and instead Jace didn't let go. So we stayed like that, Jace staring at our joined fingers.

"You know, I regret so much of what I did. But mostly, the fact that I don't remember what it felt like," Jace said, smirking. I knew that the Jace I knew had returned. It seemed he'd had enough of pain and suffering for one day.

And I had too.

Jace had been hinting about kissing me when he'd made that statement. But he obviously hadn't thought I would agree.

I saw his golden eyes widen seconds before I pressed my lips to his, just like I had when protecting Magnus and Alec, but somewhat less urgently. And Jace responded in seconds this time, tucking me against him and holding tight, like I'd somehow turn into a breath of air in between his arms.

I started feeling again, the awareness rushing back to me like flood. Such awareness that I wondered if what we were doing was a bad idea, not because I felt I couldn't trust him, but because there was no way Jace wanted me for more than kissing. It was surprising enough that he'd wanted to kiss me at all, seeing as he had a whole world of supermodels to choose from.

I normally wouldn't have gone for it. I would've been too afraid, even without most of my senses, that he would reject me and say something like, "Listen, Clary, I like you but…"

But when Jace had talked about what he'd felt, the same desperation I had unknowingly mirrored in that moment before kissing me, I hadn't been able to resist. It was like a much less heart-shattering version of that first kiss.

Like I said, though, Jace didn't want me.

That's what I thought.

But it went straight out the window when Jace didn't pull away for the longest time, and when he did we were both panting, and Jace had stars in his eyes. I was second-guessing all of it.


	13. Look At His Hair

"Did you hear about Jace?" Simon asked, leaning so suddenly against the locker next to mine that I almost let out a yelp.

But I didn't fall. Not like I usually would've done. Maybe I had built up some fear resistance, finally.

"Oh, no. Another monumental change Jace decided not to tell me about? Sounds familiar," I responded without looking away from my books. I tried not to think about Jace. I was worried that if I let myself think about him, then I wouldn't be able to stop. Ever since he had walked me home after that little _episode,_ it had been extremely difficult to keep my mind off of him.

"Really? Yeah, no, I mean it's kind of a big deal," he was teasing me.

I turned, leveling a glare at him. "Just say it, Simon."

He nodded. "Apparently, Aero found some crazy hot model from another country and wants to tell the world she and Jace are dating. The two of them will stay at school for the rest of the year and then go on some photoshoot tour around the world. It's like they're already married."

My mouth dropped open. "You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Simon, I swear-,"

"Look, I'm telling the truth!"

I silenced. Pressed my lips together. Flicked my eyes to the ground. Looked back up to Simon. "Does Jace know about it?"

"Of course, he does. He's the one who asked if they could do the tour when the school year ends," said Simon, like it was common knowledge.

It was obvious that the 'tour' was most likely a C-VPA assignment to track Valentine further, but he had to do it with a girl? After just talking about how badly he'd needed to kiss me, and then filling out his promise? After kissing me?

I'd known it was too good to be true to save myself from this kind of brutal disappointment, but it appeared to have failed. Dreams always turned out that way, didn't they?

"Where is he now?" I wanted to tell him that he didn't need to feel responsible for me or anything, he could go off on his own and be happy. I could handle myself.

"Getting ready to get on a helicopter out on the soccer field. They're going to land on the helipad of the CNN building as a big entrance to his interview with the new girl, I guess," Izzy answered, suddenly right next to Simon. Then she turned to him, even though I was right there, and asked, "How'd she take it?"

Simon sighed. "Look, Izzy, get it through your head. Clary's not in love with Jace, so just let it go!"

Izzy ignored him, looking me up and down and stopping at my eyes, where her gaze nearly pierced my soul. "You're right," she said, shocking Simon _and_ me. "She totally isn't in love with him." And in that moment, I realized something. I realized all of it. Izzy winked at me with the eye Simon couldn't see and mouthed the word 'go.'

. . .

Pushing through the thorough crowd of girls saying they'd never gotten their chance and 'if Jace would just give me a chance, he'd surely love me,' was extremely taxing. I was beginning to think it be too late when I caught sight off his golden hair flying in the wind from the helicopter.

This was turning into a movie scene. Me, running at Jace, afraid that if I didn't tell him now, I'd never do it. But that was the truth. He would come back, but by then, I certainly would've lost my nerve.

So I pushed through that last line of the crowd, easily vaulting the flimsy fence that had been put up to keep Jace safe from his fans. And I let out an incredibly cliché wail, screaming "Jace!"

He whipped his head around and only just managed to open his arms before I went flying into them, with more momentum than I had needed. Instead of catching me, Jace half-lifted me until my head was downward on his shoulder, his face was pressed upward into my hair, and his arms were tight around my waist. I flung my feet out girlishly to keep us balanced, and then I was back on the ground.

Neither of us let each other go, and I could hear the rumble of Jace's voice in his chest as he said, "I thought you would hate me again."

I took a deep breath and pulled back to look him in the eyes. "I've recently realized that it's foolish to pretend I could ever hate you," now was my only time. There was no going back. "It's foolish to think I could ever do anything but love you."

Jace's eyes widened dramatically, like a cartoon character, and his touch loosened slightly on my waist. I hurried on, not really wanting him to fully process what I'd said.

"But I came here to tell you that-,"

"No," Jace said, brushing one swift kiss against my lips that sent my heart leaping into my throat. I hadn't realized the crowd had gone nearly silent until they started screaming again. "Don't say anything."

Suddenly Jace was running, pulling me by the hand and I was running too, my hair flying back in wild waves behind me. He was smiling and I was laughing hysterically as he pulled me into the helicopter and into a seat. He sat down next to me and started shouting at the pilot, "Go! Go! Go!" before both of us began frantically buckling our seatbelts.

Then Jace took me by the chin and kissed me again, deeper this time, and whispered against my mouth, "I love you, too," and I realized that I didn't need the helicopter to feel like I was flying.

. . .

Jace's Manager P.O.V.

"Come on, get some good ones, guys," I shouted over the roar of the helicopter at the cameramen. Jace looked absolutely dashing but the cameras were having a hard time capturing that one moment just before his wild hair fell completely into his eyes. He was giving us that grungy, depressed look that I was fairly certain was not all for the cameras.

Finally, frustrated, I just grabbed one of the cameras and tried to capture the photo myself, also having just as much trouble. I began fidgeting with the mechanics, trying to get the camera to capture differently, when I heard someone calling to Jace from the crowd.

I mean, _everyone_ in the crowd was calling to Jace, but this one was different. I looked up just in time to see a _gorgeous,_ desperate looking girl absolutely leap over the fencing we'd had set up and just keep running, losing no speed, towards my model. I would've signaled for security if I hadn't seen that look in her eyes.

Just then, another girl with deadly black hair came up behind me, snatching the camera from my grip. She held it up and waited. I heard a few of the camera's clicks as the first, fiery girl positively jumped at Jace and he caught her beautifully, something the photographer in me sang out at. They were a scene from a movie, one I would have watched a thousand times and cried each one.

None of my photographers were taking pictures, all too focused on the scene before us. I didn't blame them, though I _would've_ if I hadn't been so preoccupied as well.

Then she was back on the ground and they were saying things I couldn't hear until the helicopter was lifting up off the ground with only Jace and that girl inside it and no one had had the good sense to stop them or even tried to get in with them. It had all happened too quickly.

I watched the helicopter for a few more seconds before turning back to the girl who was grinning widely at the camera screen.

Not-so-subtly, I came up and peered over her shoulder, asking, "Did you get it?"

The girl smiled somehow wider and snickered, "See for yourself."

I had to take the camera from her so I could look at it closer. It was absolute _perfection._

"Fantastic lighting…flawless timing, as well…and look at her hair…look at _his_ hair…my God, was perfect position…" I babbled endlessly.

I finally turned back to the girl, saving and resaving the picture for fear I could lose it. "You should consider a career in photography, young lady," I remarked.

"Oh, I don't think you'd want that," she said. She was right; the girl would most likely be given _my_ job. "Make sure to send me that."

And she walked away.


	14. Other Problems

**Jace P.O.V.**

The helicopter ride was _much_ shorter than I would have liked. I wouldn't have been happy with three trips to the moon and back. I felt like nothing could have brought us down from that high. Now that Clary was mine, I wanted to make full use of the access I was now permitted. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair over and over again, and capture her lips in mine so heavily she'd be panting, and I wanted to do everything I could, if she would just make those damn _noises_ she kept making, even though they drove me crazy.

And I did do most of it, but I wanted to keep doing it and never stop because it felt so _good_ just being there with her and being able to look into her eyes without them being filled with hatred—or worse, indifference.

But we were in a helicopter and there were other people here, so I had to keep it quite a bit more PG than I wanted.

It wasn't even that I wanted to have sex with her. I just wanted Clary to know that she was mine and I was hers. That she had me wrapped around her finger and I couldn't be happier about it. That I would do whatever she said. That I loved her.

And to imagine that Clary loved me too…the idea was so unreasonable that I had to pause every few seconds, pretending it was to breathe but really just to tell myself this was real. I wouldn't have been able to convince myself, except for the fact that every time I pulled away to show her some beautiful view from the helicopter, I didn't have time to utter a word before she was kissing me again.

I know what you're thinking. That she only wanted me for physical reasons, as most girls did, even if they pretended otherwise. It's what I would have believed. But I was an expert at this touching, kissing, wanting stuff. This didn't feel like just that—the wanting. This felt like loving. There was a difference, and I knew it.

But soon we started flying endlessly back to the ground and I wished we could just keep going, straight into the earth and farther so I'd never ever have to let Clary go. But we still had problems, and lots of them.

Valentine was still on the loose, and Clary was in danger until we caught and killed him. Not to mention the fact that the agency would get _very_ mad once they figured out what I'd become to Clary—what we'd become to each other—so I was going to half to put in my resignation.

So when the helicopter touched down, a hard, sure landing, I took Clary by the hand and pulled her back to the earth. She seemed to have realized the current situation as well, because she was much sullener than she'd been up in the air.

"Hey," I whispered softly, taking both her hands to pull her to a stop and face me. "We're gonna find him and kill him, and when we do, I promise we'll take Isabelle and Alec and even Ratface if you really want and we'll find somewhere beautiful and peaceful to live where we'll never be bothered again."

Clary made a face. She was right. That was very unlikely. Even if I did manage to defeat Valentine and get the C-VPA to leave me alone, the two of us always seemed to be looking for trouble.

"It's not even that," she said. It had gotten dark since we'd left, meaning we'd been in the air much longer than I'd thought. (I mean, time flies when you're having fun.) "You're leaving again."

At first I was confused. I'll admit I had no idea what she was referring to. Once I finally understood, I tipped back my head and laughed. "You're kidding, right?" I cackled. When her face didn't change, I cupped her cheeks in my hands and grew serious. I brought my head so close our foreheads were touching, and kissed her once lightly on the nose. "I'm _definitely_ not going anywhere. The only reason I was going to in the first place was because I thought you hated me."

I saw the look in her eye and continued. "And there _would not_ have been a girl. That was one hell of a cover up, for a mission. Do you really think I could feel this strongly about you and go around pretending I didn't?" I kissed her nose again. "I think I would've died."

Finally, Clary smiled, seemingly believing me. I released all my breath, although I'd been unaware I'd been holding it. I realized I wanted so badly for Clary to be happy that it was stealing my very energy. And I didn't mind one bit.

"Jace," my manager hadn't even finished speaking before I was rolling my eyes. I turned reluctantly to face him, still clutching Clary's hand. Gordon came rushing over, his camera strapped across his chest and a frantic look on his face. "I have a proposition for-,"

"I'm not interested," I said sternly, cutting him off.

Gordon nodded, "I have a proposition for the _both_ of you."

I immediately looked to Clary, not to ask her opinion but to gage her reaction. She looked very much not appealed to the idea.

I smirked as I turned back to Gordon. " _We're_ not interested, then."

Gordon's face instantly went beet red with fury and embarrassment. "Jace this is your career on the line. Take me seriously. And look at this; the two of you work great together."

I agreed that Clary and I looked great together, but I still accepted the camera when he handed it out to me. The picture is already there on the screen. It's _incredibly_ photogenic. The clash of the wind plus the raging colors of her hair against the sky and the pose we're caught in…the photo just _radiates_ romanticism. I've never been that guy, the romantic. But everything changes when I'm with Clary.

I handed the camera over my shoulder so Clary could see. I heard her gasp when she saw it, and turned around to see her reaction. She didn't look at me but I can see it in her eyes: she's finally seeing what I see. She's finally realizing that she is so beautiful.

Unable to resist, I found myself tucking her hair behind her ear and running my fingers through the loose strands in the back, tangled from the constant stirring of the wind.

"Yeah," I say. "We are a great team." I was still looking at Clary, even though I spoke to Gordon. "But only when we are left alone. Untouched. So I quit."

With that, I took Clary and we walked straight past Gordon, towards the parking lot. Gordon stuttered uncontrollably, waving his hands about and panicking.

"Wait—but! But Jace-," he sighed. "At least give me back my camera."

I turned around and held the camera, pretending to look contemplative. "You never gave me my last paycheck," I snickered. "This'll do it, I think."

Gordon looked so horrified that for a moment I feared he might faint. Clary laughed from behind me and I turn around to greet her teasing smile.

Once we're in my car, Clary let out another laugh. I gave her an inquisitive look and she laughed again. I haven't ever seen her this happy. It's worth anything.

"You just threw away your only opportunity to complete missions," she pointed out. "The agency is going to roast you on a spit."

My eyes widened in exaggeration. "Yeah, there are other things I think they'll want to kill me for first."

Clary was silent for a long time. And then, just when I'd started the car, she muttered, "Good thing we're untouchable then."

. . .

Indeed, when the two of us showed up at HQ, Magnus was waiting there, looking very angry.

"That was stupid," he growled. To further irritate him, I slung my arm over Clary's shoulder, still relishing in the feeling of her leaning farther into me.

"I don't care. If you have to fire me, fire me. I'm done pretending, Magnus. Valentine is out there and it's time we start taking steps toward actually getting him put away," I felt Clary's gaze on me, shocked, like I was a whole new person. And I was, different from the Jace she knew. In a better way.

I hoped.

Magnus sighed, nodding. Giving up. "We won't fire you. You're right, anyway. Too good for this place," I smirked, but Magnus had turned his attention to Clary. He looked around, his eye catching on every camera in the large room. "You shouldn't be here. In the open. I told you, your father is always watching us."

She lifted her chin. "Valentine is not my father," she started, and pride exploded in my chest at the confidence, the _happiness,_ in her tone. "He is barely a man at all. And let him come for me. He'll have a hell of a fight waiting for him."

I agreed. It was certainly time we got to work on hunting him. We were ready.

Magnus seemed to agree as well, nodding thoughtfully. "Maybe we should continue without the agency, though," he suggested. "I don't trust the technology to be clean here, but I trust the people here even less." He shrugged. "To be honest, Jace, you were the only one I ever trusted."

"You mean quit?" I asked. Quit another job?

Magnus nodded.

It only took me a moment to contemplate. Every bad thing in my life had come about because of the agency. My parents were dead because they'd been too slow to save them. They had ruined his relationship with Clary, time and again, by sending him on countless missions that would only betray her trust. They had caused him so much more pain than was necessary.

"Okay."

 **Hey, hey, hey! I'm not dead! Though it kind of feels like it. Sorry I haven't been around, but I've been spending a lot of time reading a different series and it's hard for me to write fanfics on one series while I'm reading another, but lemme just say: Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas is** _ **soooooooo so so so so so**_ **good! If you haven't read it, you definitely should. Speaking of, if you have read ToG-ToD, you should definitely go check out my new fanfic for that series. It's brand new and still in the works, but I think it has some real potential. Please review, you have no idea how happy it makes me.**


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